Sekali DIA balas...baru sedar kekuasaanNYA

Alhamdulillah, help came from unexpected brothers & sisters to somehow improve my current situation. I realized, most of us,including myself that whenever we are down, we cant even get our minds of the situation even a split second, but when the happiness comes, it's like an instant 'change' as if the sorrow wasnt there before. Well...a point to ponder, if it wasnt for the moments when we despair, we wouldnt know or truly appreciate the happiness that comes. I feel like writing about this down today as the guilt in myself builds up as sometimes I tend to forget and whine about whatever that doesnt turn out to be what I want it to be. I just realized that most of us nowadays are living in a superflous state when it comes to talking about materialistic goods, even food. Often we see but arent aware that every single moment in life is something for us to think about, truly it;s a TEST. How do we make use of our time,money,health,happines,etc

For the first few days when I couldnt stop panicking and whining about having to look for a place to stay when I had to move out of my previous apartment,I felt like the world is at it's end. Then I realized that when I had almost nothing back then, why was I able to be more calm, that was back then when I was 'a pure baby' in Islam, at all times I would tell myself, insya Allah there will be a way. And help came from sources that I never expected. For instance, just a peak of my life journey which I will publish soon, a long one, insya Allah. 1day back in USJ I had to handover a document to the Imam of the Masjid where i recited the shahadah, my car petrol has been giving signal since I was in Gombak and I had no cash with me at all. That was after Asar, as according to my recollection I met the Imam at about 445PM and left. I went to the nearest park, feeling worried and txt some friends just incase they could 'rescue' me. At 1 point when I almost gave up I turned off my mobile phone and head to a  other nearby mosque at USJ2 as Maghrib was approching. Had a funny but rather 'cute & sweet' memory there, I was only 2weeks old, as a Muslim I mean, after the Azan, i quickly perform my solat without ruku' (due to feeling so nervous & shy).Then I asked a sister next to me after what i used to call 'the express azan' which is actually the qamat, 'kak..sekarang baru nak start sembahyang ke..?' then she said 'ah ah..' ..so we all rapatkan the saf and performed or solat. after that I asked her about when to 'angkat tangan' while showing her the act of what we call 'takbir', then she said the 1st only wajib, then when I told her that I am a new Muslim only 2 weeks, then .....she gave a packet containing RM50 and a pair of socks she bought from Mecca. She said that she just came back from performing her hajj and wanted to sedekah to masjid, but when she gave it to me she said it is her zakat to a mualaf,subahanallah...she left quickly after the Isya' prayer and I didnt even manage to thank her again & ask her name. ...then I went in to my car and cried my guilt out as I didnt have full faith and confidence in HIM that HE will not let me down.....

At times like NOW, the only antidot for me to make me put away the pain to remind myself of how my life was back then, insya Allah...I will find my way (as the song by Maher Zain which manage to build up my strength back then and in the future...)

Musafir

At this point of my life reminds me of the time when I had nothing,squatting around here and there. Trying my level best not to express or show to exhausted I am moving around thinking about that this wont be permanent until the next payday comes to enable me to pay for the deposit payment for a new place.Never thought that looking a place to rent can be so costly these days.I dont mean to so arrogant to reject some help offered by some parties, nevertheless I do appreciate the offer. But then, there are several factors to consider...1) I need my own space to rest at the end of the day after a whole day of work plus the tiring journey..2) I need to have some sets of keys that I can use to enter & exit the house at anytime so that I dont have to wait for the owner @ permanent tenant of the place i 'menumpang' to be around only then I can keluar masuk the rumah or even the room...3) Hygiene is very important for me, call me 'fussy' but then how to solat if the cleanliness of the ablution & solat area is questionable. 4) To save $$$$$$$. So I guess the best solution for me is to get an appropriate place of my own.

Never thought that I'll have to go through this 'phase' again. For the past 1 week, generally since early of June 2011.Owh!I just realized that I do look exhausted,not to mention not having a proper sleeping hours, a private place to rest & get ready for work. Anyways, i believe there is a reason for all these.From the way I see, it's jumpstart to a new life..insya Allah.

Looking positive is another way to start feeling positive,vice versa

Ups & Downs...Been there done that!

Last weekend was a great one, spent time with brother Rasyidi & even met brother Faisal. It was a great moment to be able to sit down and share my experience and feelings with some people who are able to 'write' professionally. I used to love writing myself, for my own journals & record but never intend to write publicly. Only when brother Faisal suggested that I 'blog' and start segmenting on what I want to write especially with regards my life journey. Nevertheless, the contecnt in the draft on his next book is so touching and very good as it describes the exact issues i have when it comes to handling mualaf like myself by the other Muslims. Then I thought to myself that the idea is not bad at all. Then, will all the kelam kabut to look for a new place to stay,searched through the net, asking friends around, then tayar kereta pulak pancit kena tukar tayar baru (sebab dah lama sangat tak tukar tayar, dah merekah..)...well apart from that there are some minor events yang agak mencabar kesabaran diri Ain kali ini.

However, surprisingly.....as days goes by, eversince I keep on thinking about what brother Yusry & Pak Meow said about handling emotions and choosing on to be happy the other day, alhamdulillah, I am beginning to take things that come along my way slightly better. yes, i still do 'mengomel' sometimes, (used to 'mengomel' a lot) but atleast not in a sense of marah or tertekan but mengomel as in ...'well...apa boleh buat!mesti ada hikmahnya,insyallah adalah tu nanti...' for example.

About two days ago the tragedy of a lanslide which took 16lives of brothers and sisters in rumah anak yatim in Hulu Langat, made me realized that ALLAH has HIS own reasons for planning ang letting things happen as HE knows whats best for us. Often we,including myself often forget that some things may happen in the ways that we are not so fond of, yet thats whats best for us. And as human, especially like those who are like myself, tend to be rebelious at times, whine and break down, however we are human after all. Anyways, there's nothing wrong in going through all that.BUT it has to stop at certain stage eventually. Remember what a brother used to tell me during my depression period about more than a couple of years ago...' IT IS TIME FOR YOU TO STOP..'

Rather that saying 'IT IS TIME FOR YOU TO START ANEW..' the old things happening within ourselves have to STOP first.stop the sorrow and grief,wrap it nicely and throw it away. Stop thinking about the past, cherich the present and dont bother worrying about the uncertain future. .... things will be fine as it is not as bad as it seems, if we remember to remind ourselves that there are others who are in worse circumstances compared to ourselves....perhaps only then we will remember to be grateful..insya Allah, we'll be a better person.

Cara tu penting...

Ain nak CONGRATULATE team Pak Meow @[1628433125:R Firdaus A Wahab] serta brothers & sisters yang terlibat kerana ramai yang kagum & amat setuju serta menyokong pendekatan yang dianjurkan oleh anda semua yang tidak sangat orthodox, tidak pressure, terlalu banyak protokol sbg contoh dengan memberi statement yang berbunyi 'sila datang ke pejabat ..... untuk urusan sekian sekian perkara ye...' & tidak membosankan, malahan 'sangat understanding' dalam menyelami permasalahan saudara baru sbg contoh diri Ain sendiri. Ain setuju kalau Pak Meow sbg contoh mengatakan bahawa di peringkat awal, Muslim reverts harus diterapkan dengan ilmu tauhid until their iman is strong enough to live as a Muslim dan bukan menuding jari mengatakan ini boleh dan itu tak boleh tanpa pemahaman yang didahului dengan penjelasan. Jangan terkejut juga pernah ada pihak yang berkata macam macam tentang saudara baru tanpa cuba untuk menyelami keadaan serta permasalahan seseorang itu terlebih dahulu, yang natijahnya membuatkan seseorang mualaf itu tertekan. Mungkin mereka lupa yang saudara baru ni pun manusia, ada instinct yang boleh dapat mengagak bahawa permasalahan personal mereka diperbincangkan dari aspek negatif.Ain amat selesa dengan panggilan sister @ kak Ain dan Ain juga tidak rasa kekok memanggil brother @ sister kerana merasakan diri semuanya setaraf se Islam dengan diri Ain. Maaf dan diharapkan tidak keterlaluan kalau Ain katakan mungkin sesetengah gelaran seperti ustaz@ustazah@sheikh dan sbgnya membuatkan Ain rasa sedikit janggal yang mana setiap kali panggilan tersebut terpacul keluar dari mulut Ain, Ain merasakan seolah olah Ain ini 'below the standard' of certain classes of other Muslims. Anyways, it doesnt matter, keep up the good work brothers & sisters of PERKIM Ampang (wpun kebanyakannya bukan di@dari Ampang...), may Allah bless u....I will definitely recommend your service to any new reverts that I know,insyallah.Bukan tujuan nak sindir atau perli sesiapa, cuma diharapkan dapat diambil iktibar dari pengalaman Ain sendiri ini.

Y i embrace Islam?

“There's also people who is not believed what I have been see, but I really can't express it in "language". How can you describe something that's not even on earth by "language?”
This part of Brother Ikhwan’s Ng in his blog caught my attention and it reminds me of my answer weeks back when I was still so excited to answer why I embraced Islam whenever the question popped up. Nowadays, I just simply make it short after realizing that not everyone would understand or even believe what I told them about the dream I had when I was asked the question I didn’t know how to answer back then in the dream on which I was asked “Siapakah Tuhan kamu?’”

Merahsiakan keIslaman mualaf

Menyembunyikan keimanan bukanlah untuk selama-lamanya kerana apabila iman sudah mantap, tiada gangguan keluarga dan mereka bersedia mengamalkan ajaran Islam secara terbuka, maka boleh mengisytiharkan pengIslaman secara terbuka. Oleh itu, kita perlu memikirkan mekanisme sesuai bagi memaklumkan kepada keluarga yang memeluk Islam agar keselamatan fizikal dan aqidah saudara baru ini terpelihara.

Petikan dr Portal e-Syariah Komuniti Islam

Ain amat bersetuju sangat sangat dengan tulisan brother Ikhwan Ng please refer to http://lifemualaf.blogspot.com/2011/05/redefinition-of-underground-muslim.html di mana brother Ikhwan telah menyuarakan dengan jelas apa yang Ain personally rasai sendiri dalam melalui kehidupan seharian Ain sebagai Muslim di mata kasar dan pada masa yang sama masih kena remind diri bahawa Ain masih lagi V...... pada sesetangah pihak.

Rindu. . .

Ibnu Qayyim memberikan terapi mujarab mengenai masalah rindu. Sebelum itu beliau memberikan sebab mengapa rasa rindu berlebihan terjadi antaranya: Hati tidak terisi oleh rasa cinta, syukur, zikir dan ibadah kepada Allah sebaliknya membiarkan mata meliar. Pandangan dan renungan mata adalah jalan membawa kepada kesedihan dan keresahan.

Syeikhul Islam Ibnu Taimiyah mengatakan: “Sungguh jika hati telah berasakan manisnya ibadah kepada Allah dan ikhlas kepada-Nya, nescaya ia tidak akan menjumpai hal lain yang lebih manis, indah, nikmat dan baik daripada Allah. Manusia tidak akan meninggalkan sesuatu dicintainya, melainkan selepas memperoleh kekasih lain yang lebih dicintainya.”