Alhamdulillah, help came from unexpected brothers & sisters to somehow improve my current situation. I realized, most of us,including myself that whenever we are down, we cant even get our minds of the situation even a split second, but when the happiness comes, it's like an instant 'change' as if the sorrow wasnt there before. Well...a point to ponder, if it wasnt for the moments when we despair, we wouldnt know or truly appreciate the happiness that comes. I feel like writing about this down today as the guilt in myself builds up as sometimes I tend to forget and whine about whatever that doesnt turn out to be what I want it to be. I just realized that most of us nowadays are living in a superflous state when it comes to talking about materialistic goods, even food. Often we see but arent aware that every single moment in life is something for us to think about, truly it;s a TEST. How do we make use of our time,money,health,happines,etc
For the first few days when I couldnt stop panicking and whining about having to look for a place to stay when I had to move out of my previous apartment,I felt like the world is at it's end. Then I realized that when I had almost nothing back then, why was I able to be more calm, that was back then when I was 'a pure baby' in Islam, at all times I would tell myself, insya Allah there will be a way. And help came from sources that I never expected. For instance, just a peak of my life journey which I will publish soon, a long one, insya Allah. 1day back in USJ I had to handover a document to the Imam of the Masjid where i recited the shahadah, my car petrol has been giving signal since I was in Gombak and I had no cash with me at all. That was after Asar, as according to my recollection I met the Imam at about 445PM and left. I went to the nearest park, feeling worried and txt some friends just incase they could 'rescue' me. At 1 point when I almost gave up I turned off my mobile phone and head to a other nearby mosque at USJ2 as Maghrib was approching. Had a funny but rather 'cute & sweet' memory there, I was only 2weeks old, as a Muslim I mean, after the Azan, i quickly perform my solat without ruku' (due to feeling so nervous & shy).Then I asked a sister next to me after what i used to call 'the express azan' which is actually the qamat, 'kak..sekarang baru nak start sembahyang ke..?' then she said 'ah ah..' ..so we all rapatkan the saf and performed or solat. after that I asked her about when to 'angkat tangan' while showing her the act of what we call 'takbir', then she said the 1st only wajib, then when I told her that I am a new Muslim only 2 weeks, then .....she gave a packet containing RM50 and a pair of socks she bought from Mecca. She said that she just came back from performing her hajj and wanted to sedekah to masjid, but when she gave it to me she said it is her zakat to a mualaf,subahanallah...she left quickly after the Isya' prayer and I didnt even manage to thank her again & ask her name. ...then I went in to my car and cried my guilt out as I didnt have full faith and confidence in HIM that HE will not let me down.....
At times like NOW, the only antidot for me to make me put away the pain to remind myself of how my life was back then, insya Allah...I will find my way (as the song by Maher Zain which manage to build up my strength back then and in the future...)
For the first few days when I couldnt stop panicking and whining about having to look for a place to stay when I had to move out of my previous apartment,I felt like the world is at it's end. Then I realized that when I had almost nothing back then, why was I able to be more calm, that was back then when I was 'a pure baby' in Islam, at all times I would tell myself, insya Allah there will be a way. And help came from sources that I never expected. For instance, just a peak of my life journey which I will publish soon, a long one, insya Allah. 1day back in USJ I had to handover a document to the Imam of the Masjid where i recited the shahadah, my car petrol has been giving signal since I was in Gombak and I had no cash with me at all. That was after Asar, as according to my recollection I met the Imam at about 445PM and left. I went to the nearest park, feeling worried and txt some friends just incase they could 'rescue' me. At 1 point when I almost gave up I turned off my mobile phone and head to a other nearby mosque at USJ2 as Maghrib was approching. Had a funny but rather 'cute & sweet' memory there, I was only 2weeks old, as a Muslim I mean, after the Azan, i quickly perform my solat without ruku' (due to feeling so nervous & shy).Then I asked a sister next to me after what i used to call 'the express azan' which is actually the qamat, 'kak..sekarang baru nak start sembahyang ke..?' then she said 'ah ah..' ..so we all rapatkan the saf and performed or solat. after that I asked her about when to 'angkat tangan' while showing her the act of what we call 'takbir', then she said the 1st only wajib, then when I told her that I am a new Muslim only 2 weeks, then .....she gave a packet containing RM50 and a pair of socks she bought from Mecca. She said that she just came back from performing her hajj and wanted to sedekah to masjid, but when she gave it to me she said it is her zakat to a mualaf,subahanallah...she left quickly after the Isya' prayer and I didnt even manage to thank her again & ask her name. ...then I went in to my car and cried my guilt out as I didnt have full faith and confidence in HIM that HE will not let me down.....
At times like NOW, the only antidot for me to make me put away the pain to remind myself of how my life was back then, insya Allah...I will find my way (as the song by Maher Zain which manage to build up my strength back then and in the future...)
